The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Parent-Teacher Conferences   

By Ryan Crawley 

Parent-teacher conferences happen every school year. Some school districts have them once a year, while others have them twice a year. It is a chance for teachers and parents to discuss the progress of their children. Behavior problems, if there are any, are also brought up during this time.

That’s what is suppose to happen during these conferences. As any veteran teacher will tell you, though, this is not what always transpires. The chances for the ridiculous are quite high. The possibility of something strange occurring is actually a probability. The least likely thing you can think of materializing out of a simple meeting with the parents can leave you questioning your sanity for the rest of the school year.

Time in a Bottle
Most parent conferences go very well. All issues and concerns are addressed properly and the parent assures the teacher that they will work with their child on these problems. Ninety percent of all parent-teacher meetings go off without a hitch. The parents leave and the teacher feels like they have acquired a new friend. You know it was a good conference when the parent actually offers their service to help supervise field trips and give their time to come in during holiday room parties! Time is the most valuable commodity we have, and when parents offer theirs, they are truly involved in the education of not just their child, but others as well.

Speed Dating Conferences
As a teacher that has held his fair share of conferences over the years, it is always a good thing to have a timer on your desk. Set the timer for ten minutes and start it as soon as the conference starts. This way the parent knows they only have so long to talk before the next conference has to start.

Being a male primary Reading Specialist in one school district, I usually had thirty to forty conferences scheduled just because I was helping so many students improve their literacy skills. It always seemed that over half of these conferences were with single moms. Quite a few of the students I saw were behind in their reading achievement because they had only one parent at home to offer support.

During my conferences with these single moms, there were quite a few amusing moments. I always sat down with them at a small table with us facing each other, and their child’s reading assessment results between us. One time, a mother decided to push the papers out of the way and take my hand in hers. She said that her child loved me, and that she could see why. I fake sneezed my way out of that one.

Another conference left me feeling a bit violated. I was meeting with a single mom about her child that I had been helping for the last three years. This was our fifth conference in total between the two of us.

As I began by informing her of her child’s score and reviewing the research-based strategies that I had been using, she slowly reached out her hand and put her finger up against my lips in a shushing motion. I sat there in surprise as she held her finger there and continued by telling me that the only reason she has come to these conferences the last few years is so she could spend time with me.

She proceeded to say that she was not interested in hearing about her child’s reading progress. She wanted to discuss the possibility of a relationship forming between her and me instead. When she finally took her finger away from my lips, I still sat there in complete silence for a minute longer. Luckily, I am a fast thinker and excused myself to the bathroom. Next, I did a very grown-up thing by hiding in the restroom until the timer went off signaling the end of that conference.

Most of the conferences with single mothers went very well, though. The moms were very respectful and thankful for my work with their kid. They were concerned about their child’s struggles with their literacy skills, and they would do anything to help them. Unfortunately, it was just difficult with only one parent at home.

Bribery
Once I left my position as a Reading Specialist and became a primary classroom teacher, for the first time I had to start giving grades to my students. I shouldn’t really say “give” because the students always received the grade they deserved. I expected them to try their best on all the work that they did.

Every now and then during the parent-teacher conferences, one of the parents would express their disappointment in a low grade that their child had received. They would ask how they might be able to fix that low score and raise it to a better mark. They would usually say things in a generality where it would be hard to prove they were trying to bribe me for a better grade, but they were definitely insinuating it.

In one such conference, a mother and father were detailing how their girl had always received all A’s on every report card. However, in one subject, on her last report card, I had given their child a B+. They proclaimed that their girl was devastated by it.

It was unfortunate since this student always tried her best, listened well in class, and never misbehaved. If I would have known she had only ever had A’s on her report card, I probably would have bumped her grade up to an A- since it was just a one point difference. With other students I would have never thought twice about keeping it a B+, but with her, if I would have realized, I would gladly had changed it to an A-. I told her parents that as well.

The next day, as I arrived at school, sitting on my desk was a very nice-sized gift card. The parents of the girl placed a short note next to it. The note basically said that the gift card could be used for classroom expenses if I chose to use it for that purpose. As I placed the gift card in my wallet, I wondered if this was how corrupt government officials had started on their road to downfall. Was it a gift or was it a bribe for next time?

And the Rest
These were not my only awkward conferences. I acquire many new ones every year that I teach. I’ve had everything from a father challenging me to a fight because I said his son had a tendency to be a bully to parents bringing me in dinner for their conference time. You just never know what you are going to get! But after every conference, a teacher can kind of see why the child is the way they are, be it for the good or bad, after spending time with parents.

Ryan Crawley is a writer/educator from Illinois. Born into a family of eleven, he spent most of his childhood watching old reruns of Three's Company and Happy Days. He has his Masters in Reading and Literacy, and is a certified Reading Specialist. He spends his free time writing, working out, and hanging with his two dogs Flair and Smoosh Face.